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Having a baby to save a relationship: How wise?

A little after the sixth month anniversary of  Henry and Chizoba’s wedding, the young couple  began to have issues.

Allegations of neglect flew from Chizoba to Henry, who’d become so consumed with the desire for the top spot at his place of work so he put in a lot of extra hours and worked himself to the ground everyday.

Henry interprets his wife’s continuous demands for more attention as being too needy and intentionally being difficult and turns a deaf ear to all of her complaints.

“Maybe you guys are having issues because it’s just the two of you,” Chizoba’s colleague asked her at the office one afternoon.

“What if you guys just need something to renew the bond you share? A baby will be perfect for that, you know,” the older lady said.

And so, the seed was planted in Chizoba’s heart till she was certain that was the solution to the problem she faced in her marriage.

Not a counselling session. Not conversation, and of course not a scheduled holiday from where phones were banned, where no work was permitted and where it would be just the two of them, talking and eating; working out their issues, having lazy, mindblowing sex; settling differences, renewing vows and repeating the cycle till the holiday ended.

None of that would do, according to her colleague. Only a baby.

Babies are amazing bundles of joy, of course.

But guess what, the happiness of having one won’t automatically transmit into the relationship of its parents.
Maybe existing issues will go to the background for the time being, but then the joy of having that baby will ‘wear off’ soon enough and the issues that existed before the baby arrived will remain, maybe worsen.

Unless partners address their issues and accept to make changes, nothing actually changes in a relationship.

Your relationship problems will still be there staring you in the face after the baby arrives with its sweet scent which will take over the house but not rectify the stench of your unhealthy relationship.

This is the reason why two people have a baby together but still can’t stand each other.

Of course, it is understandable if you were both in love before the babies came.

If things got worse in your relationship after the arrival of your babies, that’s a different thing entirely.

But getting pregnant to force closeness and hoping for babies to come cure your bad relationship with their cherubic little faces is unwise.

And here’s one more thing to consider before trying to use a baby as a remedy for your bad relationship or to tie down an unwilling partner – every baby deserves two happy parents.

Why bring one in into a relationship that’s filled with obvious resentment and hostility?

It is unwise to say the least and as I said above, unfair to the baby.

It hardly works and doesn’t look like that’s going to change any time soon.

Don’t do it.

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Updated: October 13, 2017 — 5:38 am

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